Addictions and the Desire to Control

"I just don't want you to think..." is a statement that should give you pause.

Relationships can be complicated. We often don't analyze why we do what we do, think what we think, or feel what we feel. 

We're too focused on controlling what others are thinking or feeling to realize the desire to control what others think or feel masks internal insecurity within us. 

For example, when we say, "I don't want you to think that (fill in the blank)..." or "I don't want you to feel that (fill in the blank)..." then we have a misplaced relational goal.

The goal to control what other people think or feel is a tell-tale sign of an addictive personality. That misplaced goal to control is actually driven by our need to feel good about what others are thinking or feeling about us. Secure people let people freely think and feel.

A desire to control is as addictive as narcotics. The only difference is that a control addict can keep up appearances. But any misplaced relational goal can lead to outward addictive behavior when the goal to control collapses and comes crashing down. Whe…